What to do When You Wish You Were Somebody Else
If you’ve ever wished you were somebody else or just simply wished that you were anybody else, except for you. Believe me, you’re not alone. Hopefully, if you feel this way right now, it will help take away some of the sting to know that you’re not alone. I have to believe that all of us, at one time or another, especially during the tumultuous and confusing teen years when we are acutely aware of our flaws and awkward idiosyncrasies have felt this way. I have to believe that at some point, almost all of us have looked in the mirror and to some degree or another hated what was looking back at us.
You can’t be somebody other than you. No matter how badly you want it. No matter how much you agonize over it. There is no amount of self-loathing, blaming and raging that will change that for you. But before you give into despair you should first understand that you can ultimately become a much different version of yourself. You can change so much about yourself, if you decide it, that over time you may not even recognize the older version of yourself. And if you make a bakers dozen of positive changes, isn’t that essentially becoming somebody else? If you replaced all the parts of a car, one by one, is it still the same car?
Except that you can be somebody else…
Dialectical Behavioral Therapy or DBT states that in any given situation, we basically have five options.
- Solve the problem
- Change how you feel about the problem
- Accept it
- Stay miserable
- Make it worse
Most people could probably go pro when it comes to numbers four and five. Staying miserable and making it worse is something that everybody does but if you never graduate from these options, you’re going to die miserable. Your life is your most valuable possession. It’s the only thing that you’ll ever really have so before you throw in the towel, you deserve to explore all the other options. It’s better than the alternative.
So what do you dislike about yourself? Maybe you think you’re ugly. Maybe you think you’re dumb. Maybe you hate being overweight and unhealthy. Maybe your life is crippled by fear.
Maybe it runs deeper than this. Maybe you suffered neglect and abuse when you were young. Maybe you had a father that called you a whore. Maybe your mom decided she didn’t want to be a mom and left when you were three. Stuff like this sucks. It seriously sucks. None of us get to choose the cards we are dealt but we can choose how to play them. Here’s how to play your cards.
Solve The Problem
I’ve been overweight before. Hell, I’m still overweight but I’ve been obese. It sucks. I hate it. It gave me health problems and it seriously put a damper on my confidence. I hated it so I solved the problem.
If you hate being overweight and obese then solve the problem. People tell me all the time that dieting sucks. Yeah, I know, it does. Big time. But you want to know what’s worse? Being obese.
Maybe you hate your job. Maybe you hate being broke. Maybe you dislike how other people are better at something than you are. Maybe you have toxic people in your life. Maybe you have crippling anxiety.
In all of these examples, you can stay miserable, you can make it worse or you can solve the damn problem. So ask yourself. What do you dislike about yourself? Can you solve the problem? If the answer is yes quit complaining and start solving. Focus on the solutions.
Change How You Feel About the Problem
Some problems can’t be solved, some things that you dislike about yourself can’t really be fixed. At least not very easily. Sometimes you can change how you feel about the problem. Maybe you think that you’re ugly and unattractive. Let’s be honest, to some degree, that’s a problem that can be solved. You can change how you dress. You can do something different with your hair. But more importantly, you can do more about your confidence, attitude and personality. There’s a lot more to attractiveness than physical looks. A lot more. But I digress.
You can change how you feel about your physical looks. You change how you feel about something by adopting different perspectives. You can realize that there’s so much more to a person than physical attractiveness. You can realize that there’s a lot more that makes a person attractive than their physical looks. You can realize that successful relationships aren’t built on physical attractiveness because, frankly, we all end up ugly and in diapers again anyways.
You can change how you feel about abuse. You can see it as something that taught you valuable lessons. You can see it as something that has given you strength and resiliency. You can see it as something that taught you many valuable lessons about other people.
This is just a couple of examples. Can you change how you feel about something? If the answer is yes, start exploring different perspectives.
Accepting It
There are just some things that you can’t do a damn thing about and investing effort into it is self-inflicted suffering. The best example that I believe that I can give on this is my personal past. I used to agonize over past mistakes. I wished that I could wind the clock back and make different decisions. This is the perfect way to stay miserable. All the wishing and self-hatred in the world wasn’t going to grant me an opportunity to fix my past mistakes. I finally realized that I couldn’t do anything about it and wishing that I could was wasted effort and only keeping me miserable. So I accepted it. I let it go. It no longer held down real estate in my mind.
Once I was able to accept it and let it go, I was able to also change how I felt about it. My mistakes were learning opportunities. Experiences that taught be valuable lessons that I wouldn’t have been able to learn otherwise.
If there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it. You may need to just radically accept that there’s not a damn thing that you can do about it and so you need to let it go and move on. Sometimes the things that you dislike about yourself are just things that you can’t do anything about. Most of the time you can change how you feel about it and I even argue that accepting things is just another way to change how you feel about it.
Becoming a New You
Ultimately, you can change a lot about your physical appearance. You can do a lot about your attitude and personality. You can become more confident. You can learn to feel comfortable in your own skin. You can change your location. You can change your job. You can change your perspective. You can change who you associate with. You can change how you spend your free time. You can adopt new interests and hobbies.
You can overcome your issues. You can beat depression, you can beat anxiety. You can overcome your abusive past. You can overcome addiction or grieve a lost loved one. You can learn to live free. You can adapt and overcome.
Swap all the parts that you don’t like and you can become a different person through a personal metamorphosis. They say that not all who wander are lost but I will offer this word of caution. You can easily lose yourself in the process if you seek to be a version of yourself that other people want. You must become a version of yourself that you personally like without caring much if other people like it or.
Safe and happy journeys, my friends.
