Is There a Cure of Borderline Personality Disorder?
Why I believe that BPD is more likely a case of the five-minute mile
As time goes by I’m becoming more and more reluctant to write, speak or create content online as a mental health clinician simply because of this reason. The moment that someone sees that the government has issued me a piece of paper that essentially allows me to do what they would call psychotherapy and other branches of mental health treatment, they immediately place me into a box and they immediately expect me to fall in line. I’m supposed to say certain things, do certain things and live up to expectations. I’m expected to conform and obey and join the hoard mob in repeating the same tired rhetorics about how to live and die as though what we’re doing has created some kind of blissful utopia.
Living up to a story
What on earth does this have to do with Borderline Personality Disorder or BPD? If you’re familiar with BPD, maybe you’ve been diagnosed, maybe you are familiar with the disorder or maybe you’ve heard of it and don’t know much about it, regardless, the label of Borderline Personality Disorder extends in a very similar fashion. The narratives are immediately put into place, the labels, the expectations and the limitations all placed in front of the person. Chaotic. Crazy. Manipulative. Abusive. Liar. These are some of the words that you’ll hear about how they act but what about actually getting better?
“First off, let’s ditch the word ‘cure’.”
No cure. Lifelong disorder. Life sentence. This is how the disorder is regarded and depicted and there are more than enough inexperienced and unqualified people out there that will be more than happy to support more tired and antiquated narratives. Human beings just have a real knack for finding limitations and pouring concrete around them. I love the old stories about rich dudes, for example, that said that people would never travel or want to travel faster than 35 miles an hour, calling them “breakneck speeds.” While I look back at that and laugh, I also feel a little bit sad that so many people are wired for limitations.
Yeah, I know, the outlook is more than just a bit grim for these individuals. Society has decided to define them but what can I say, that’s just true for everyone these days as we dispense labels and narratives about people based on arbitrary criteria like skin color or political leanings. Seriously, how have we become this judgmental? Is it because our devices do all of our thinking for us now? As Carl Jung once said, “thinking is hard, which is why people judge.” I dare you to spend one day observing the limitations that you place onto yourself and others as well as the limitations that others place on you. One day. Notice the stories that people tell about themselves and each other and the point is simply this. We tend to live up to the stories that we are told.
The official stance on BPD
But even the mental health industry doesn’t take any official stance on whether or not BPD can be cured, fixed, saved, solved, whatever terminology you want to use, the official jury is still in session. Year after year the official stance on BPD by the mental health industry seems to be “we don’t know yet” but that doesn’t stop the general public from drawing its own conclusions: Once borderline, always borderline.
“Thinking is hard, that’s why people judge.” — Carl Jung
Is that really true though? Let’s say that we were to find some people that were once diagnosed with the disorder and through dedication and hard work, found their way out of this psychological labyrinth? It would be reasonable to assume that if we can dig up a reasonably good sample size of recovered individuals who no longer met the qualifying criteria for the disorder, then the process of improvement and change could be duplicated.
I know that was a bit wordy so let me break it down. If there were a lot of people out there that got better then other people could get better too because those recovered people would be proof on two legs that it could be done. So what’s the word? Are they out there? Do they exist? Emphatically yes. I’ve personally known and talked to several. If the mental health industry regarded BPD as something unable to be addressed, helped or “cured” then it would openly state that it’s pointless for them to attend therapy because it can’t be helped but such is not the case!
Solving BPD is more than likely a case of the five-minute mile or breaking the sound barrier. It seems impossible because we’ve been told it’s impossible. If you’re not familiar with the story of the five-minute mile it’s simply this: People believed it was impossible to run the mile in five minutes or less and when one person finally did, the barrier was broken and many more proved that it could be done. Most people just don’t look past the limitations that have been placed on them and we are mighty good at limitations. So what’s the solution? What is the cure for BPD?
The key
I doubt there will ever be a one size fits all blueprint for solving this disorder as I have found that to be true for even basic mental health issues like anxiety and depression. There are methods and techniques but each journey is unique, the individual has to figure out how to apply methods to their individual situation. With BPD, I believe there have to be certain elements in place if they want to get better.
First off, let’s ditch the word cure. It’s completely misleading and here’s why. It implies that something external like the right therapist, the perfect romantic partner or a fairy godmother of sorts is going to be the solution or the hero in this story. I am absolutely convinced that every person that has solved their borderline has this one thing in common. They realized that they have to be the hero in their own story. If you have BPD and you’re looking for the cure then stand up, walk into the bathroom and look in the mirror. That’s the only person that can solve this for you. Look in the mirror, the solution is looking back at you. And here’s why…
All of the therapy methods in the world are useless if you don’t use them every day. Nobody can or will do the work for you. If you don’t put in the daily effort, you won’t get better.
Nobody can manage your thoughts, emotions and behaviors except for you. If you don’t do it, nobody can or will.
Nobody can or will care about solving this as much as you. This issue will get the maximum amount of effort and care when and only when the person in the mirror gives it. Nobody else can do it for you because they have their own mind and body to manage. They have to take care of themselves just like you do. If you don’t give it the attention and effort that it needs that it won’t ever happen.
You’re the solution, whether you know it or not as I see it, there are two options: 1) Accept this fact and get busy or 2) Reject this fact and stay mentally ill.
I know that I’m primarily addressing people who have BPD but here’s the kicker… what I just outlined is applicable for every mental illness and if you ask me, every life.
After more than twenty years of working in mental health, I’ve realized one universal truth about mental health and mental illness and it’s simply this. Those who get better and improve are those that become their own solution and the ones that don’t get better and improve are those that expect someone or something to do it for them and if there was one thing, just one thing, that I wished that I could help every last person on this planet understand it’s simply that is that you don’t need other people to be there nearly as much as you need to be there for yourself.
The word cure is just fundamentally wrong because it suggests that the solution to whatever you’re facing is something that is given to you, created by someone or something else that is separate from you when the real cure is you and what is waiting inside of you to be discovered, unlocked and used. On a bigger scale, we simply have to be the change that we want to see in the world, we have to be the solution to our own problems.
Going back to borderline now, I’ve noticed that for every individual with BPD, there are at least three dozen codependent types in the world that have taken it upon themselves to try and “fix” them and only end up enabling them. They keep the borderline sick, that’s just the truth of it and in the process, they uphold this horribly misguided belief that it will just simply take the right and the most perfect person to come along to help them and fix them. When we send a message that we’re here to do something for someone it also gives the message that they can’t do it for themselves, that they are weak, incapable and powerless when what they need is to believe that they are capable. They must realize that the solution lies within themselves. Borderline or non-borderline, those that get better become the hero of thei own story.
I truly believe that if they realize and accept that big universal truth then their chances of recovery will multiply. They would be more likely to learn how to manage their thoughts, their emotions and their behavior. They’d learn about themselves. Learn to recognize their triggers and be able to use a skill that keeps them from being pulled into the swirling black hole of chaos, panic and despair. The right answers exist, I am certain of that because I have seen people get better, I know they get better, I know it can be done and nothing will dissuade me.
First, we need to break barriers
Yes, I absolutely believe that BPD can be “cured” and that anyone that disagrees is simply a person that chooses to see limitations. I refuse to be a person or a clinician that supports limitations. Instead of saying there’s no cure for BPD, we need to change the story, we need to change the words that we use. We simply need to adopt the attitude that the right answer exists, it just hasn’t been widely adopted yet.
I’ll finish by saying this… if you’re the type that only wants to look at the negative and reinforce limitations on people, do the rest of us a favor and shut up. Keep it to yourself. If you want to be a person that only sees limitations, that’s your right, but please stop placing them onto others. Stay in your little box and please stop pulling others into it with you.
