Introverts Don’t Need to Be Fixed
Believe it or not, we actually like being introverted
A couple of years ago a friend invited me to a party that he organized. I drove my own car so that I could leave when I wanted, of course. I arrived about when it said it was supposed to start and naturally, I was the first one there. When friends arrived with other party guests I socialized, grilled my meat and laughed with everyone else. After about four hours I was starting to look for the exit when my friend announced that we were about to get things started.
Exsqueeze me? “Get things started?” So what in the hell have we been doing for the last three and a half hours!? Extroverts, am I right? Whatever, this isn’t my first rodeo, I do my rounds, tell people I’m gonna split.
Yes, I’m leaving already. Yes, I’m sure. No, I’m not upset. I’m an introvert.
Everyone Should Be an Extrovert
In a world full of introverts and extroverts there is one clear truth about the two groups. Extroverts think that something is wrong with introverts and that everyone should be an extrovert. It’s kind of like the idea in older psychology of A and B types of personalities. A types being the ones that keep a squeegee in the shower and might have a meltdown if the dishwasher is loaded incorrectly and B types being the laid back go with the flow types. A types think something is wrong with B’s and that everyone should be an A. A’s get frustrated with the B’s, they’re just ruining everything.
Well, actually… A types have a tendency to suffer from hypertension and more often die from things like strokes. Medical science says they need to chill. And so do extroverts, frankly. While we very much appreciate the extroverts that like us and want to include us, they need to realize that staying at the super loud, insanely crowded party for 9 hours just isn’t our idea of a good time.
At the core, human beings are perplexed, even threatened by those who are different from us. It usually doesn’t stop there though, we have a tendency to either overtly or covertly compel them to change and be more like ourselves. We are hard wired towards tribalism and I have no doubt that it is programmed into our DNA because that’s what helped our ancestors survive. Honestly, we have to try really hard to not try to change others to be more like ourselves. It’s like being in a stream, if you’re not actively pushing against it, it will carry you away and you’ll find yourself asking your introverted friends why on earth they are leaving the party after only 4 hours.
We Don’t Try to Make You More Introverted
But it’s hard not to notice how the introverts are more likely to accept the extroverts exactly how they are and even appreciate it. If it weren’t for the extroverts, we might never really get out. The opposite, unfortunately, doesn’t seem to be true. Extroverts think that something is wrong with us when there’s not.
We like being introverted. It’s actually really awesome. Even right now, as I’m typing this I’m sitting in the morning sun and enjoying the quiet of my backyard. I wouldn’t trade this for any big party, no matter how off the chain it is. Is that still cool by the way? Do people still say “off the chain?” We love our small parties with our closest friends and stimulating conversation.
Honestly, what’s fun about standing around staring awkwardly at each other because the music is too loud to talk? What’s fun about having to scream over said music just to try and get someone's name? And seriously, why would you list your own party to start at 7 and not show up until almost 8?! Just say it’s going to start at 8!! Extroverts, am I right?!
If my BBQ and games are listed to start at 6, please be at least somewhat on time. If you show up at 7 I probably won’t invite you next time. And please leave by 9:30 at the latest.
The Benefits of Being Introverted
We’re not broken. There’s nothing wrong with us. Being introverted affords us many opportunities for self-reflection and inner peace. It allows us to develop our talents and work on those projects that we’re passionate about. We like being alone, it feels good, it recharges us. Of course we love our friends but just in the right doses. No, we’re not square, boring or lame. We’re actually really interesting and smart and if you take the time to get to know us you might discover that we’re actually into some really badass stuff.
Our relationships tend to be much higher quality ones. We seek deep connection and empathy where extroverts can often be surrounded by a lot of people that they don’t really know that much about. I don’t find that even remotely appealing or fulfilling. I want to sit down with people and get their thoughts on life and the world. I get tight with people.
My introversion has enabled me to become deeply spiritual and connected to my day to day experience. It has enabled me to form a strong identity or my sense of self. It has paved the way for me to find happiness and contentment. Being introverted has helped me become comfortable in my own skin and shake off the dark self-loathing that haunted me in younger days. I welcome and relish my quiet alone time because I can shake off the anxiety and truly be myself. It enables me to be grounded and balanced.
In a way, I feel sorry for the extroverts that don’t enjoy these incredible benefits. My introversion is a gift and don’t you dare take it away from me.
