Christmas; Destroying Our Zen, One Cookie at a Time
I think it was about ten years ago that I basically opted out of Christmas, almost entirely. I had some friends that told me that they refuse to participate in it at any level and I remember feeling insanely jealous because I still have close family members that are fully plugged into the matrix of Christmas. I know, that references has become dated, go watch the movie.
I gave up years ago when I became so stressed and burned out on it. Not only did it put a major strain on my finances, but it also put a major strain on my mental health. I burned myself out on buying what inevitably ended up as clutter. I once bought my mom a vegetable chopper as a gift and a year and a half later when I found it sitting on a shelf in the garage, unopened, I snagged it and announced to her that I was claiming it. I was astounded when she asked, “What is it?” I could tell she felt bad when I told her it was a gift I had given her from a previous Christmas but that was the last nail in the coffin. After that, I was done with buying gifts.
You can go ahead and call me Scrooge or the Grinch if you want, I don’t care. I will fully admit it. I am down on Christmas but before you write me off and place me in a category, hear me out and why Christmas has become a detriment to our collective wellbeing.
It’s Expensive
Money problems are at the core of most cases of divorce and married couples fight about money more than just about anything else. Between the gifts, the food and the decorations, most people can’t afford this. Feeling forced to buy stuff for people that they don’t need has caused me to resent not only the holiday itself but the people that I am buying for. But we also know that retailers want us to spend as much as humanly possible and put constant pressure on us to buy more and more. Life is expensive and hard enough without this holiday putting a torpedo right into the middle of the ship that I’ve been trying to keep afloat all year.
It’s Too Much Work and it Promotes Toxic Perfectionism
Life is hard enough as it is. I have a hard enough time keeping up with work, keeping up with bills, managing relationships, making sure my tires are rotated and wondering where my credit score is sitting. I don’t need any more stress and I don’t need any more hard deadlines. Christmas puts too much pressure on people to perform and live up to unrealistic expectations of being perfect. Perfectionism is toxic and Christmas promotes perfectionism in that we are expected to make it wonderful and amazing when wonderful and amazing can’t be forced. It either happens or it doesn’t and I wish we could stop putting pressure on ourselves and others to force it into existence.
Obligatory Generosity and Instant Gratification
Gift giving is supposed to be a thoughtful act of caring that we engage in as a demonstration of our willingness to make a sacrifice because we love someone. All of that goes out the window when gift giving is basically a mandatory obligation. For so many of us, gift giving happens out of personal sacrifice and that personal sacrifice is basically trampled on when it’s expected or required. When our family members toss aside that thing that we sacrificed to give them, it builds resentment. And unfortunately, this required sacrifice also creates a sense of entitlement. People get selfish and spoiled as a result. They don’t appreciate what they didn’t earn and they don’t appreciate what they didn’t work for.
There are mountains of research that show us that instant gratification is bad. Especially for kids. It inhibits our ability to accomplish bigger goals in longer amounts of time and Christmas teaches us that our happiness lies in the stuff that we get instead of long-term rewards that really gratify people and give us a greater sense of satisfaction in life. Most of us come to realize at some point that stuff only makes us feel good for short periods of time. Pleasure is often mistaken for happiness. While pleasure isn’t a bad thing, too many of us get caught up in thinking that we will be happy if we just fill our lives with pleasure all of the time when in reality, pleasure should be limited because when pleasure loses it’s magic and no longer becomes pleasurable, it can leave us feeling empty and hopeless. And isn’t that the real and only basis of Christmas? Pleasure and only pleasure?
It Destroys our Ability to Live in the Moment
Living in the moment and being present is a wonderful practice for mental health and this is impossible to do when it comes to Christmas. The stores are constantly reminding us that the clock is ticking and “don’t be the one that blew it this year.” My mental health tends to be fragile enough as it is without this notion that it’s my fault that people have lost their childhood because I didn’t find that perfect gift.
Too Much of a Good Thing
Less is more, a lot of people will say, except, apparently, when it comes to Christmas. Stores start pumping out Christmas music the second you can see your breath and they start selling Christmas decorations as soon as Halloween is over as a way to cheat. They’re not decorating, they’re just selling decorations as a friendly reminder to spend more money. It’s too much. Christmas is too long, there are too many decorations and too many forced traditions. Elf on a shelf? Give me a break, throw the stupid thing away. Between all the cooking and baking, the tree, the gifts, the stocking stuffers, the house decorations and inescapable music, it’s just gone too far. Too much of a good thing is always bad and Christmas lost it’s magic for me when it became too much. If brownies have lost their magic because I’ve already eaten half the pan, I don’t regain the magic by shoving the rest of the pan down my gullet but that’s exactly what we’ve done with Christmas.
Do Yourself a Favor
Say no, say no to Christmas. You don’t have to say no to all of it, I understand that most people just can’t get there. My life has gotten so much better since I cut out about 90% of Christmas from my life. I just picked the parts that I like and went with it which is basically the food and the time off work. Sure, people call me Scrooge and eventually get over it but since I have been in a full on rebellion against Christmas, I have been amazed at how many people have come out of the woodwork. A surprising amount of people are choosing out of Christmas. Join the ranks, say no to Christmas.
